Originally when I began to think about my key verse for 2010, I had direction for growing specifically in more disciplined life in Jesus. I had decided that I wanted to work on basic spiritual disciplines. Things like fasting, daily bread, tithing… basics in spiritual life that I know I should do, but I forget or refuse to do. I need to break away from my old life, one that was self-centered and cared very little for the outward showing of my faith in God. Until probably this past year, I didn’t follow basic disciplines at all. Even so this year, I only did things like fasting and daily bread when I knew that I wouldn’t be alone in doing them. Despite growing in my independent faith since the start of this semester, I realize that I still have so far to go. YDC last year changed my life, I felt a sense of renewal and purpose in Jesus Christ my savior and I was on fire for God. I felt like I could do anything. That immense bon fire has diminished into a small torch at times this year. I remained at home in Michigan, where I was surrounded by lazy temptations that would easily put me off what I needed to do as far as basic spiritual life was concerned. Living with Susan and Greg Lewis has helped that, but things there can still be easily distracting. Things like playing with Joan and Peter, surfing the internet when I should be working on testimony, homework or bible study prep, enjoying alone time to play video games or just lay around when my room needs cleaning, dishes need to be done or I could otherwise be spending my time productively.
I would have to say the roughest time for me this year was the incident with Courtney’s father back in the spring. That was a rough time for the two of us as friends. I was very cowardly during this time, not wanting to feel the same sort of pain that she felt for so long. I remember ditching church the last two weeks that he was pastor and how it made me feel. I was basically part of their family, always hanging out with Court and her siblings, going out to lunch with them, going to their house. They did so much for me, as was revealed in my life testimony given at Spring Conference. The few days after that happened were probably some of my worst this year, because I felt like I’d not only abandoned my second family, but it was like God wasn’t doing anything to comfort me or them. I felt really distant from God during that time because I felt small and pathetic, not being there for my best friend who I constantly remind, “I’ve always got your back.” I felt like I didn’t deserve to come to Him because I didn’t stand up for what I knew I should have stood up for.
Focusing more on now, I see how my environment around me can be distracting if I do not put God first. This made me think of Abraham, Abram as he was called in this part of his life. God called Abram to be the father of a great nation. He was to leave his country, his people and his father’s house and go where God told him to go. He had to leave the familiar things, idols and usual routines of his life and follow a new path that God was leading him to. This place wasn’t pointed out on a map; he didn’t know where he was going. But because of his basic faith and trust in God, Abram could leave behind the things that would be problematic in his walk with God to start somewhere new. I believe this is where I am now. I’ve been living in common life with my shepherds since August in 2009, obeying what I believe God called me to do: be a shepherd and disciple of God at Toledo UBF. This was difficult when I lived in Michigan. The trip back and forth and desire to be “home” was often overwhelming my first two years in this ministry. I hated the travel back and forth; it gets tiring driving back and forth a half hour or more all the time, five to six days a week. But I didn’t have a job, no way to support myself if I could manage to find a place to stay in Toledo. I jumped at the chance that was offered to me about staying with Susan and Greg. I got a job on campus officiating intramural sports to help support myself. This was the one condition that I needed to move in them. God provided this job for me so that I could truly begin a sincere and deep relationship with him. God called me from my home to a new land where he could be with me more deeply with less influence from sins and other distractions. Through living with Greg and Susan, I’ve gained so much in my relationship with Jesus. I’ve become a servant of God that I didn’t see myself becoming, not for a long time. I lead bible studies and help lead our student group, I take leadership despite my timid and shy nature, and I began to teach one student one-to-one this semester. God has abundantly blessed my life in him when I trust him and strive to better myself as a Christian and disciple of Jesus. I see myself in this calling. I have been blessed so much by Jesus in my life, this past year especially.
People in Toledo do so much for me like prayer support, serving food and studying with me when I’m not their student, revising and fine tuning my testimonies, listening to them in the first place. But I rarely take time to acknowledge all that they do for me. I might at the time, but it’s more of a sense of… well, necessity. I was raised to be polite, to always say please and thank you. But to truly thank people for all they do… I don’t do that a lot. That’s why I chose this verse. “You will be a blessing.” That sentence… that promise stuck with me when I read it in preparation for this conference. I want to be a blessing to others who have been such a blessing to me, such as my friends and co-workers in Christ. I believe God wants me to grow in gratitude and a servant’s heart for more people around me. By trusting in this promise that God gave to Abraham, I can go where God calls me because I know however he grows me and wherever he takes me will be for the best. Through holding onto the last part of this promise, I think that God will bless me as well in the rest of the parts of the promise: making my name great, blessing me and making me into a great nation. This will require a lot of intensity and hard work from me, which are reflected in my 2010 goals and prayer topics:
Finance- find a steady, reliable job to support Sister’s house (an actual house) by fall semester 2010 and learn responsible money management to serve Toledo UBF and its members
Spiritual Life- grow in discipline in Jesus by doing DB Monday to Friday and fasting 20 days this year, as well as growing in shepherd life by teaching two sisters one to one this year. And also serve as a messenger and prayer servant by God’s grace this year
Academics- to achieve a 4.0 this semester by faith and grace.
One word: Intensity in my life to become a blessing
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